Irrational Fears

I am currently running around crazily prepping for a 4 day trip to California to celebrate my best friend's wedding! 

Yes... and I am writing a blog post in the midst of it because I don't make sense. 

But I am realizing in my old age my fears are increasing more and more... totally irrationally too! 

I feel like in my youth I was totally fearless - I moved to Europe by.my.self. 
No fear

I then back-packed western and some of eastern europe with just a girlfriend... getting stranded on the Austria Border, roaming Vienna at 2 in the morning looking for our hostel... staying at hostels with perfect strangers not 5 feet away while I sleep. 
No Fear. 

I lived in North Philly and walked around at night. 
No fear
okay... maybe a little fear, but still!

I rode roller coaster, flew from country to country and state to state without batting an eye!

Now... I actually have a tremendous amount of fear before getting on a roller coaster... I mean...

"how do I know that steel is gonna hold up?"
"What if my strap breaks just as we are ascending and I can't do anything about it!?"
"Did that 16 year old ride operator check my seat? And what does that little tug he does REALLY check????? I'm pretty sure the force of the ride is more than that!"

These. These are the legitimate thoughts that run through my mind... and I often spout to my roller-coaster-ride partner before every ride. 

So far... none of those things have been issues. 
But WHAT IF!? 

And now I am packing up to put myself on an airplane that will fly across the entire country... 7 hours of flight time. 

And I have been praying all morning for God to calm my anxiety... and simultaneously praying that the plane does not crash! 

It did not help that when I shared this fear with Greg last night he said... "I had a scary dream that you died in a plane crash"

WHAAAAATTTT!????

I am not sure what it is about aging and the development of fear. 
Maybe it's because in my life there is so much more that I love that I am sad to lose - namely my husband and my daughter. 

God's word reminds me 

that my days are ordained by God
so do not fear
God is sovereign and His will is good
so do not fear
I am a stranger in this world and my citizenship is heaven
so do not fear and do not cling to this world
My daughter and my husband are not MINE but HIS. 
so do not fear

I need these reminders. 
I need to calm the heck down.
I need to get on that flight and fall asleep ASAP. 

Okay... enough about that. 

I AM excited to spend 4 days with my 2 best friends in beautiful Big Sur California and to see my dear friend get married. 

But I sure will miss these two:

Pray for me.... K???