Independent Playtime | Our Process

I am a Babywise Mama. And Lucy is a Babywise Baby

:::pause for reaction:::

This usually gets one of a few emotional responses:

confusion

disgust

downright horror

one of those is often also mixed with a judgmental glance

and sometimes, albeit rarely, one has the

 "ohh-maybe-this-could-help my-child, please-tell-me-more" emotion. 

I'm not sure which camp you fall into but there ya have it! :) 

Babywise has been so good for this mama and this sweet baby-turned-toddler!

I'll leave my why's and experiences of doing Babywise for another post, though. 

I really just wanted to write about something we have been working on as of late that is a part of the Babywise model. 

Independent Playtime!

Or IP as I will call it from now on because who has time to write such long words over and over. 

Not this girl. 

The "look" of Independent Playtime in our house.

This is quickly becoming one of my favorite parenting tools.  It has so many benefits for mom and baby alike. 

Just to clarify:

What Independent Playtime is NOT: 

• a child left alone in a room despite any dangers to fend for themselves until I feel like stopping eating my bon-bons and getting her.  (I don't even like bon-bons)
• locking a child in a cage for the sake of restraint
• starving a child of needed love and attention
• selfish and uncaring

What Independent Playtime is:

• A set amount of time (depending on age) where a baby / toddler / child plays by themselves in a crib, pack n' play or room (again depending on age and maturity)
• A time for a child to learn to focus on and enjoy learning to do what they can with the things they have. 
• An opportunity to teach things like: boundaries, structure, creativity, mental-focusing skills and more!

"Structured playtime is a specific time during the day when a child has time to play by himself or herself. It starts in the early months in the playpen and advances to room time"

 -On Becoming Babywise Part 2 

You can read more information on the benefits and the implementation in the book: "On Becoming Babywise Part Two" and also in "On Becoming Toddlerwise"

We started with IP when Lucy was just an infant babe. Obviously it wasn't to the extent that it is for older children, but it was baby-steps towards the future goal. It really just consisted of a fairly short period of time where Lucy self-entertained. We would put her on her play gym or in her exersaucer or bouncer or even on a blanket with a few toys.

Basically, those early times of IP were moments when I wasn't in her face entertaining her but instead allowing her to discover and play on her own and I could just enjoy and watch from a distance. I'm pretty sure lots of moms out there do this without titling it Independent Playtime... but it is :) 

As she grew my goal became to increase the time in order to continue to carry this into her toddler years and also into her childhood years. 

Of course with increased mobility we could no longer just lay her on her play mat and leave her to play by herself. 

It's at this stage that we switched to the pack n' play. 

It's a confined space, plenty of room, and with a few toys to occupy her we started there with 15 / 20 minutes at a time a few times a week and eventually extended it as she proved capable of doing so. 

Lucy has done so well with it through all different stages - I think this can be attributed to both the consistency  with which we implemented IP and also her personality, which has been rather independent since birth. 

That is NOT to say that a baby that isn't independent can't or shouldn't have IP. I think it would be even more beneficial in that situation... but that's just my humble opinion. 

But let me add that these moments throughout the day were just that; moments. 

Too often people think of IP as a form of parental laziness or abandonment.That is a false understanding of the purpose and good that is at the heart of IP. I still play with Lucy, cuddle Lucy, engage Lucy, teach Lucy, kiss her sweet cheeks and so on!

But for 30-60 minutes of her day Lucy has the chance to play independently which she enjoys and benefits from.

So what does this look like for us now at almost 16 months?

We have put this into our morning routine

I am a very scheduled person and like to have my days organized... so far I've only gotten the morning into a regular routine... but I'm working toward the full day :) 

So I put our IP right after breakfast - this time has worked well because 

1. She's fed and satisfied

2. It's long enough before her first nap that she isn't going to fall asleep while playing or be grumpy due to exhaustion. 

Some days she is so done with IP by the end of it and just wants out:

Other days I have to pry her away and she is grabbing at toys to take with her as I pull her out. 

She's human, every day can be a little different. That's okay.

Now as you may already know from past posts we are in transition in our living situation so space is tight right now. So, while it's not ideal, we do independent playtime in Lucy's crib 

It's necessary to distinguish this time from nap time so as to not confuse her (I don't want her playing during nap time and resting during IP) So we have lights on and I usually have some sort of fun kiddo music playing. 

One important part of IP is that the toys / activities are parent selected, not child selected. 

A decision I made as part of that is to have a bin of toys that she rotates through that are just used for IP and are not played with at other times throughout the day. This helps to keep the toys interesting to her. 

Another important part of IP is that she can't see or hear me. This would make it much more challenging for her and me! 

So I use the time wisely, outside of her range of hearing. As she is still young I am sure to keep the monitor on to check on her every so often. 

Since implementing this regularly we have seen growth in Lucy's ability to play by herself. This of course is beneficial for the whole family in a number of situations; get-togethers, at church, visiting friends etc. It is a skill that serves her well now, is a help to us and will continue to be of benefit as she grows.

Lastly, it is much-needed time in the morning for mom. 

Can I get an Amen and a holla-at-your-girl

During IP in the morning I have the chance to clean the kitchen from breakfast, eat my own breakfast, spend intentional time with the Lord and maybe even get a shower!!! 

Hooray! Mom doesn't smell!! 

So this is where we are now. 

Lucy is getting between 30-60 minutes of Independent Playtime in a day. She knows when to expect it and even sometimes leads ME to her crib when it's time!

I would love to hear how IP has helped you or how you implement it! Feel free to email me or leave a comment! 

These photos of Lucy have nothing to do with IP - she's just cute and I think you should all know it! :)